So when I posted that list the other day, I thought I’d made a pretty good list of things that are cool. However, it appears I made an omission that I would like to add, and that is how to tie a bow tie.
Most of the time when I have attended Black Tie events in the past, turnout has been pretty mixed. Me being one of the mixed ones.
Since I left school the only real call for black tie has been a handful of summer/winter/hall balls and school reunion dinners. People who think I enjoy wearing the stuff are mistaken. I like suits, but black tie is often just too much to eat in, and I invariably feel out-dressed by the people who do it properly.
For Christmas the Parents bought me The Man’s Book which is full of the sublime and ridiculous (it’s written by some Oxbridge chap, so you get the sort of idea of the quirks it contains). One of the topics he covers is correct dinner dress.
Of course, you should never where black tie until after 6pm, your shirt should be marcella/pique and your collars should be turned down. White dinner jackets are never acceptable, and you should always wear a handkerchief (ideally, coloured) in your breast pocket.
Shoes should be patent leather, lace ups and a cummerbund should be worn with upward facing pleats.
Oh, and according to anyone who goes to these things often, it is a sin to wear a pre-tied bow.
This is why I have taken stage one towards improving my evening dress and gone and bought a proper bow tie.
If you ever have the pleasure of tying one of these, just remember you will never have back the hours you spend practising the knot. I therefore have a tip for any of those who might not be dexterous enough to pull off this Houdini like knot but still want to remain ‘cool’.
Go any buy yourself a sheet of black felt (cheap). Cut from it the shape of real bow tie. Stuff it in your pocket, and put your pre-tied bow tie on. If anyone asks if your pre-tied on is real, lie to them and say it is. They won’t ask you to take it off.
Later in the evening when the port is being served and everyone is feeling thoroughly merry and loosening their ties, take a discreet journey to the toilet, whip the fake one off and leave the piece of felt around your neck. Everyone is likely to be too battered to notice it is made of cheap felt. Mission accomplished.
Although I came up with this scheme, I can’t say I have ever done it, or now ever will, for I have spent the last two hours of my life learning how to tie the damn thing, and now will never have to mix with you pre-tied bow-tie riff-raff again.