So when I posted that list the other day, I thought I’d made a pretty good list of things that are cool. However, it appears I made an omission that I would like to add, and that is how to tie a bow tie.

Most of the time when I have attended Black Tie events in the past, turnout has been pretty mixed. Me being one of the mixed ones.

Since I left school the only real call for black tie has been a handful of summer/winter/hall balls and school reunion dinners. People who think I enjoy wearing the stuff are mistaken. I like suits, but black tie is often just too much to eat in, and I invariably feel out-dressed by the people who do it properly.

For Christmas the Parents bought me The Man’s Book which is full of the sublime and ridiculous (it’s written by some Oxbridge chap, so you get the sort of idea of the quirks it contains). One of the topics he covers is correct dinner dress.

Of course, you should never where black tie until after 6pm, your shirt should be marcella/pique and your collars should be turned down. White dinner jackets are never acceptable, and you should always wear a handkerchief (ideally, coloured) in your breast pocket.

Shoes should be patent leather, lace ups and a cummerbund should be worn with upward facing pleats.

Oh, and according to anyone who goes to these things often, it is a sin to wear a pre-tied bow.

This is why I have taken stage one towards improving my evening dress and gone and bought a proper bow tie.

If you ever have the pleasure of tying one of these, just remember you will never have back the hours you spend practising the knot. I therefore have a tip for any of those who might not be dexterous enough to pull off this Houdini like knot but still want to remain ‘cool’.

Go any buy yourself a sheet of black felt (cheap). Cut from it the shape of real bow tie. Stuff it in your pocket, and put your pre-tied bow tie on. If anyone asks if your pre-tied on is real, lie to them and say it is. They won’t ask you to take it off.

Later in the evening when the port is being served and everyone is feeling thoroughly merry and loosening their ties, take a discreet journey to the toilet, whip the fake one off and leave the piece of felt around your neck. Everyone is likely to be too battered to notice it is made of cheap felt. Mission accomplished.

Although I came up with this scheme, I can’t say I have ever done it, or now ever will, for I have spent the last two hours of my life learning how to tie the damn thing, and now will never have to mix with you pre-tied bow-tie riff-raff again.

Well it’s that time of year again, and being the sucker I am for The Apprentice, I dutifully tuned in.

I’m not going to make any in-depth analyses yet or try to work out who’s going to succeed, but overall I was impressed with the calibre of the candidates, and think this could be a better series than the last one. I’m just waiting for the chaff to be cut and to see some meatier tasks dealt out.

With all things business on my mind, this morning provided a jaw-dropping but utterly brilliant revelation regarding a personal project, which means I’ve been glowing from ear to ear all day. I can’t talk about what this means exactly, but I can’t thank a certain friend/accomplice enough. He knows what he’s done and he’s been driving a Spitfire this afternoon.

A sour story broke today involving a couple of widely known figures from the web industry. I chose not to comment in the public discussion because I don’t really think airing this type of personal grievance in their professional world will benefit either party in the long run (although somehow, I think that might be the point). In the past I’ve have had very limited but positive contact with both people involved, and holding nothing against either of them, so only hope and wish that both people find their way through this troubled time.

Like always, buses arrive in dozens and today has seen them queuing up one after the other. With two weeks to go until my departure, I’m having to be very diplomatic about my workload and have been reluctant to over-promise myself to too many causes. The next few days are going to see more scaling up and hopefully I will start to see closure on the remaining commitments I have.

Finally congratulations to Sean who bagged himself a new job, Sister Two who picked up her school prize from Hagley legend Lee Sharpe, Swan for finally getting to a job interview and DeVito for reaching a new level of computer-literacy.

Also, hello Mike. Sorry I forgot to mention you before, you facebook terrorist.

After going to see 300, Gwyther managed to persuade me to come and sit in on a gig by The Beetles One , a tribute band to the fab four. This isn’t my usual Saturday night, but the group are managed by Matt’s best mate from home and after being told that they are really quite good, I decided to stay and watch.

The gig was at the Roadhouse in Stirchley (a place I can’t say I’ve ever visited before) and the client�le were very much of an age that lived for seventies metal. I couldn’t help but feel I was on the set of Spinal Tap, or backstage at a Black Sabbath gig. Anyway, the characters about made for a great evening.

Kirby and his band all seem up for a laugh and it made for entertaining viewing from rehearsal right through until I left. I was really impressed how good they were, so they are now my personal recommendation if you’re looking for a Beatles tribute band.

What’s more, any night that includes dancing midgets is a good night in my book.

I arrived in the cinema on Broad Street to meet Gwyther with a whisker to spare before this film started, but unfortunately Paul, Gwyth’s mate was also late, and so we didn’t get sat down until about 30 seconds into the movie.

I’m not a fantasy devotee (although I do have historical interest), and the reviews I had heard so far were fairly mixed (mostly to do with the controversial choice to portray a war against Persians) so I didn’t know what to expect considering the hype had otherwise been so positive.

This is a version of the Greek legend of 300 Spartans who went to fight a million-strong army. It is an adaptation of the graphic novels of Frank Miller and his embellishment of the original legendary story, it’s characters and it’s themes make for impressive viewing.

For an idea of what to expect, try and mix Gladiator, some “ancient classics” from the 1960s, a strong dose of mythological spin, a good chunk of violence and you should be somewhere near. Hyper-reality and some great cinematography keeps your eyes on the screen.

I was aware that this was a fairly arty depiction of the story, and I do like that from my films, so was pleased that it provided stunning visuals throughout.

In terms of plot, it’s the wars of classical civilisations which I have an interest in anyway, although I don’t think you need to like that stuff to enjoy the film. There has been criticism over the lack of meaty dialogue, and I found the longer portions of speech to be clich�d and sometimes even cringeworthy. That said, the Spartans were known to be laconic, so clearly they weren’t all that practised at long orations and much preferred to just get to the point. That’s why I will excuse these criticisms and just say if you are looking for brainfood, you might want to watch something else.

300 is an epic film, and the first of this genre that I’ve been pleased with since I saw Gladiator (including the disappointment of Troy and the others). It sets itself apart from earlier films by pushing the boundaries of history and reality, but carries a similar imposing soundtrack, visual mastery and set of strong performances as it’s predecessors. The characters don’t carry as much baggage as other films, which can either be seen as being refreshing or just laziness, but overall I can’t complain.

Definitely worth a watch.

There are certain things in life which are inherently ‘cool’. These things include, amongst others,

• being able to wear Ray-Bans and look like you came top of your class at flight school
• being able to play poker like Bond
• being able to afford the pleasure of driving a Bugatti Veyron
• being able to wolf whistle

Despite having twenty-one years of practise time, I can’t say I’m accomplished in any of these. It’s only now that I have decided to tackle my deficiencies. Enter Google.

I found a gem of an article explaining how to wolf whistle Unfortunately there are no diagrams, and the video someone has is for a different technique, which doesn’t look particularly effective. I therefore just tried to understand the article.

To sum up what is a pretty lengthy text, here is my guide how to wolf whistle. Please bear in mind I only started today, but I seem to be getting results…

1. Choose a grip. For the sake of speed I’m going to pick one for you; get both your index fingers out.
2. Cover your teeth with your upper and lower lips so you look like you need dentures. No teeth should remain visible.
3. Insert your two fingers into your mouth, pinning your lips to your teeth (your lower lip especially). Your fingers should go in straight, but they should form a V shape (if you were looking from above). Leave a gap of about a centimetre between your finger tips.
4. Press the front of your tongue against the back of your lower front row of teeth. Make sure the tip of your tongue is pointing downwards and just touching your lower, inner gum. Your tongue should be bulging upwards in the middle. Your fingertips should be resting on the front of your tongue.
5. Blow.

Of course, everyone knows it’s not this easy. The article admits that it will take a while to sort it. My main struggle is my lower teeth are quite pointy directly below where my fingers go in, so they dig into my lip, but I did get a result.

Also, it is advisable to remember to breathe while practising as otherwise you will feel dizzy. Like me.

I hold no responsibility for broken computer equipment caused by you dribbling all over your laptop while attempting this.

I will be trying to improve my technique over the weekend, only taking breaks to chew on a matchstick and mix cocktails.

I’ve made it my policy over recent times not to overly-plug client projects for various reasons, but I’m willing to break with protocol to announce the launch of RateMyPlacement .

The concept is simple, if you have been on a placement year, share your experiences by filling in a review. This information becomes freely searchable and viewable, and it means that if you are looking for a placement year or opportunity, you can get honest perspectives on the companies you are applying to.

Before now, this sort of exchange wasn’t possible. People looking for internships had to rely on the patchy feedback that placement offices had to offer, but now this takes the rating of student work placements to a national level and will prove an invaluable tool for students and university placement offices alike.

I’m really pleased to be involved in this project and wish the guys running it all the success.

If you have been involved in a work placement in recent years, please add your review to the growing number already online. It only takes a couple of minutes, and if you have the time, please leave some additional comments alongside your ratings.

Getting away for the weekend to see friends is one of my favourite hobbies, and on Friday Swan, Devito and myself made our way up to Lufbra for Patrice’s birthday on the Friday, and then St. Patrick’s day on the Saturday.

Nature had kindly agreed to supply free alcohol, which meant that even if she hadn’t been so popular, the Towers Common Room would still have been packed. By the time the dregs were being finished off, times were getting a little desperate, and I found myself drinking a cognac and pineapple juice which I really cannot recommend, even to the most hardened of tramps.

It was good to see a few familiar faces. Coyle, Spiller, Emily, Emma and a few others had made their way down for the weekend. I was slightly disappointed at the number of people from the course who I didn’t see – it only goes to remind me of what hell I was enjoying this time last year. I ran into Kat, Justin and Rory but Tongy was away for the weekend and otherwise it was a poor turn out.

After polishing of Nature’s bounty of booze, everyone headed over to the Union. After the gun incident last week, security has been tightened temporarily and all of us had to fork out for �15 life membership cards to prove we were ex-students. Despite this, Sean was quick to point out that they now carry out random body frisks. He tried to get a bet going that Devito would get stopped and searched, but no one was willing to take the bet. Just as well really.

The night was good and there was all the usual entertainment; drinking, dancing, flirting, fighting, pirates.

The next day was match day and went to Varsity to watch the football then the rugby. A hats-worth of Guinness later and I was bitterly disappointed to find the title taken from Ireland in the last play of the France v Scotland match, compounded by England’s scrappy play and careless defeat to the Welsh.

Sean, Bromley and went to console ourselves over a bowl of roast duck and noodles at Loughborough’s newest restaurant. I can only recommend the place as I love that styling of eating, and the food was fantastic.

We then met up with Mike, Noel and the others and went to Rain via Varsity again, where Devito and Noel took on myself and Mike, Bromley and Sean in a Run DMC v. Jason Nevins style dance off, although using the word ‘style’ to describe the event might be considered offensive to anyone who was unlucky enough to have witnessed it.

The next day I had to get up at 8am to walk over to Psychos to pick up my jumper which he had kindly rescued on Friday night. I was surprised to find his room full of Coyle and Spiller, but very grateful when Dave offered to give me a lift to the station rather than having to make the 45 minute walk.

Everything was going perfectly until I managed to forget the very jumper I had walked over to pick up. Fortunately I had just enough time to spare for Dave to whizz back and ended up on my train at 11am, although I did have to stand for the full two hour journey. Which was nice.

Another weekend, another collection of amusing stories to tell the kids…